you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
