That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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