i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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