I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
