How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
