I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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