I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
