Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
