bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
They have beer where we have blood.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
