Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
