I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
