Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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