Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
