You made me cry and you don't even care
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
