there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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