Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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