Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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