His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
