eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
