belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Randomize
