how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
