woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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