In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
