I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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