I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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