Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just want nice things and good sex
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
