So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
