Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
