Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
