So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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