tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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