She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
