Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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