I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
