It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
