with your own penis?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
