he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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