i just wanna soil my oats bro
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
