So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
