He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It was confusing and full of hummus
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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