Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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