I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
