4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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