Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
from now on my penis is your penis
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
