I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
