Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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