even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
