Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
