I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
