I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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