You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
