I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
