My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
