I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
