So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
