so let's talk penis.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
