he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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