Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
