someone threw a dead crab at me
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
